but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
