we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
