So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
