You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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