I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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