Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
