So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
