I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
