Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
