Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
