when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
