I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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