ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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