He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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