Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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