we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
