I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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