I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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