Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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