An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
