i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
