if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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