last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
