Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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