Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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