I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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