she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
