Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
