Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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