Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
