I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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