Yo dont text me then not text me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
