shes about as inviting as chlamydia
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
