Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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