There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
