u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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