Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
