He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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