I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
