I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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