yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
