you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
