i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
