Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
