even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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