I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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