Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
