I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
