i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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