He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
