so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
