people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
