I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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