my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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