hotel room ftw
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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