He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
