Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
