someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
