If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
