just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
