shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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